Once To Live
by Breething Blue
Summary: Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Or so they say.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Harvest Moon or any of the characters in Harvest Moon.**

**Okay, I am aware about how unbelievavly short this chapter is. And I hate short chapters. Regardless if they are mine or others. But I came across this on my computer, and so I just posted what I had. Hopefully as I go on each chapter will get longer.**

**Once to Live**

**Chapter 1-**

"Two drinks coming up!" She yelled across the counter to a man who drunkenly flirted with a young twenty-one year old girl. She backed against the wall, turning her head away from his breath that wreaked with the foul smell of beer as he whispered something to her.

"Muffy." She begged, "Stop him." Muffy reached across the counter, grabbing the man's sleeve.

"Rock, leave Kate alone. I think you've had enough to drink tonight." Rock spun around, hitting Muffy's arm away. His oily hair stuck to his face as he yelled, globs of his spit resting on Muffy's face, "I've had enough when I say so!" He grabbed Muffy's hand and squeezed tightly, crushing her fingers in his grip.

"Ow, Rock, please let me go!" Muffy whimpered as she held her arm. He let go, yelling loudly, he threw his hands across the counter, knocking over the two glasses of beer. The glasses crashed to the ground, shattering into tiny pieces on the wooden floor.

"This bars stupid anyways!" He yelled as he stumbled out of the bar, slamming the door behind him.

The whole bar stood silent for a moment, everyone staring at the door he had just exited. "I'm so sorry." Kate whispered.

"It's okay." Muffy said, wiping at her black dress that was now soaked in beer.

"He hasn't been the same since Lumina left him." Kate said as she grabbed a rag off the counter and pushed the small pieces of broken glass into her hand.

"No, he hasn't. Has he?" Muffy said as she leaned down, carefully picking up a large piece of glass off the floor. There was a broom in the back which would be more efficient at cleaning it up, Muffy stood wondering for a moment if she should leave the bar unattended for a moment to go get it. But decided against it.

"No," Kate said, "and you haven't been yourself since Griffin died." Muffy stopped suddenly, turning around to face the girl. No one ever mention it, or mentioned him. His name, those words, that were finally said aloud brought back all the feelings she kept to herself at night.


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Harvest Moon or any of the characters in Harvest Moon.**

**Once to Live**

**Chapter 2-**

Muffy laid on the bed, the morning sun streaming through the windows and warming her pale skin.

Muffy looked around the room, everything seemed the same. His guitar still sat in the corner of the room like it always had, his clothes were folded neatly inside the dresser and a picture sat on the table, it was of Muffy and Griffin when she was still in her twenties and him in his thirties. Griffin had one arm wound around her, his hand protectively holding onto her shoulder. They both held a beer in their hand, holding it up so the camera Muffy held in her free hand could see. Smiles were plastered to their faces, stupidly unaware of everything. But things weren't the same, they never would be. Griffin was gone, and when everything looked the same, it made her feel like it was. Like he would walk in, smiling, and holding two cups of a new drink he had made.

Muffy rolled over and wiped a tear that was forming in her eye. There was a large thud outside the bedroom door. Muffy stood up from the bed and wrapped a robe around her.

"We're not open until six o'clock." She said pushing open the door to the bar. Josh, one of Griffins old friends stood there, holding a large boxed. He smiled.

"Josh, what are you doing here?"

"You asked for milk." He said, setting the box down on the counter. He peeled open the box and pulled out a large glass bottle of milk and set it down on the counter.

Muffy walked over and sat down on the bar stool. " I thought Takura did deliveries." Muffy said, resting her head in her hands.

"He normally does, but I heard about what happened last night, and your... breakdown." He said hesitantly, placing a bottle in the refrigerator. Muffy moaned covering her face with her hands.

"She shouldn't have said anything." Muffy said.

"She was only stating the facts." Josh said, grabbing another bottle.

"But what did she expect me to do?"

"I don't know. But everyone has noticed the change Muffy. You really aren't the same."

"How can I be? Nothings the same anymore, and he's never com-" Muffy stopped, unable to say the words herself. She looked away, turning her head towards the wall as she pushed away the tears.

"Your right, he's not coming back. He never is." Josh said as he stared at Muffy.

"Stop." She pleaded.

"Muffy," Josh said, turning her face towards his, "he's gone." Muffy pulled away. She knew he was gone. She didn't need to be reminded, yet everyone seemed to think she did. Did they not know that's all she ever thought about?

At his funeral the preacher had said, "Only time can heal the pain of death." But time had not fixed Muffy. She still hurt. At first she had only wished time to keep moving, go forward, so she could move away from her pain. She had spent years without him now, but now all she wanted was to go back in time. She didn't have to go back to when he was alive, just closer. She didn't want to forget anything. She didn't want to be years away from him, it just made it that much harder.

"But it hurts." Muffy said looking Josh in the eyes as the tears she had been hiding from everyone spilled out.

"I know," He said, "I know."


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Harvest Moon or any of the characters from Harvest Moon.**

**Once to Live**

**Chapter 3-**

Muffy sifted through her closet. It was mostly filled with sweaters and blue jeans and a few black dress's that she wore during work. She reached into the back of the closet and pulled out an old red dress of hers. She had over worn it back when she was twenty, thinking it showed off her figure well.

She pulled it tight against her chest as she looked in the mirror. It had been years since she had seen or worn the dress, and she wasn't even sure if it would fit her anymore.

She had stopped wearing it when she hit thirty. On her thirtieth birthday she had spent the day in her room, crying her eye's out. She thought everything was over. Little did she know, six more years was when the real disaster would take place.

Muffy slipped off her robe, letting it fall to the ground softly. She lifted up her hands as she slid the dress over her head. It was much snugger than it had been all those years ago. She turned around to face herself in the mirror.

She wasn't sure how to react to what she saw. She was torn between hysteria and complete disgust. The tight dress left distinct rolls and lines of fat all over her body. She tore the dress off, not wanting to take a second glance at herself in the mirror. She hastily put it back on the hanger and shoved it quickly into the closet.

Apparently she really had changed, not only mentally but physically as well. But she had thought, that for how hard things had been on her, that she had overcome everything fairly well. Maybe overcome wasn't the right word, she hadn't overcome anything, she had only lived through it. But that was the best she could do, live each day as normally as she knew how to. Her only goal was to make it to the next.

A knock came from the door, Muffy jumped, spinning around to face the door. She reached down, grabbing the robe that lay on the floor. She pulled it on, tightening the lace around her waist.

"...Josh?" She asked.

"Yeah Muffy, it's me." He answered from inside the bar.

"Miss me already?" Muffy asked playfully, trying harder than usual to put on the best show she could. Acting. Something she _thought_ she had pretty much mastered up until last night. She unlocked her door, letting him come into the room.

"Actually I have something I wanted to give you. It's not from me, it's from Griffin. He had told me to give it to you when I thought the time was right... I think the time is right."

Muffy stared, confused, when had he talked to Griffin? Griffin was dead. Her heart began to race. She couldn't put a name on the feeling she had. Was it worry, fear, confusion, happiness?

Josh realized she had misunderstood him, so he quickly rephrased. "Griffin gave me this before he died." He pulled out a long, thin box and a yellow envelope. "Here." He placed them in her hands, not waiting for a reply, he left and slowly and shut the door.

Muffy's heart still raced, she looked down at the box and letter in her hand. She sat herself down on the bed, slowly setting the box down beside her. She slid one finger between the flap of the envelope, and pulled out a piece of loose notebook paper. She unfolded the paper, Griffin's easily recognizable messy handwriting was scrawled across the paper. It read....

Dear Muffy,

If you are reading this I am most likely not there with you anymore, it seems cancer must have gotten the best of me. But that's okay. Because you are there. And I'll still be watching you like I always do, I'll just be watching from a birds eye view. So don't cry anymore. Don't worry anymore. Everyone's time comes to an end. Mine just happened to come a bit sooner than others. Just remember, you only have once to live. Make the best of it.

Love,

Griffin

P.S. I love you. I love you so much. You don't know how much I love.


	4. Chapter 4

******I do not own Harvest Moon or any of the characters from Harvest Moon.**

**Once to Live**

**Chapter 4-**

Muffy's quivering hands held onto the letter, squeezing it protectively against her chest as tears flooded from her eyes. _I love you. I love you so much. You don't know how much I love you_, the letter had read. But Muffy did understand. If he had loved her anywhere near as much as she loved him, she understood all too well.

Sometimes, this love would lock onto your every being, and make you feel like you were floating on air. But other times, the times Muffy had spent the last four years feeling, was the feeling of suffocation. Like you were drowning and there was no escape. A love that makes your heart clench and makes it so hard to breathe that you can't help but believe that your near death. It was a blissful love, a painful love.

Rubbing her face with her sleeve, she moved to the thin velvet box, opening it carefully. She broke out in laughter, between her long helpless sobs, at what she saw. It was a simple silver chain, but connected to the end was a large seashell, one side cracked. It was _the_ seashell.

"_Why can't you understand?!" The young blonde haired girl_ _yelled over the rain that pounded down on her back heavily._

"_Muffy! Come back to the bar, your going to freeze to death in this kind of rain!" Called back an older man, who was only in his early thirties, yet gray already was beginning to touch the sides of his brown hair._

"_I don't care!"_

"_Well. I do." He began to walk over to her slowly._

"_Stop! Don't touch me! Don't. Please. Don't." She fell to her knees in the wet sand, her tears hidden in the rain._

"_Muffy, your being ridiculous. Just come back with me."_

"_I love you! Griffin! I love you. Stop acting like you don't know. I love you!" How many times had she said those words to others? It was more than she could count, but she had never felt this way before when she'd spoken them._ _She _truly_ loved Griffin._

"_Muffy... your confused. Just come back to the bar and we'll talk there."_

"_I'm not! I'm not confused!" Muffy jumped to her feet_, _grabbing a large seashell that sit nearby_. _"Idiot!" She chucked the seashell, her aim better than she expected. It nailed the side of his head, and he watched stunned as she ran off._

It had been a long time since then, so much more had happened. So much more could have happened. Sometimes, Muffy looked back and regretted everything. If she had not fallen in love with Griffin, perhaps she could be happy now. Perhaps she wouldn't spend her nights drowning herself in her own tears. But she didn't, she really didn't regret it. She had loved every moment. The happy, the angry, the sad. What she regretted was her own ability, or more appropriately, her inability. Her inability to move on.

He had known. Griffin had known that when he died, which they were all aware would most likely happen, that Muffy wouldn't be able to continue on like normal. This thought made Muffy smile slightly, something that rarely ever came across her face anymore. Griffin had worried about her, in his time of crisis, he had worried what would happen to _her_ afterwards.

Strapping the necklace around her neck, Muffy decided. She was done crying. She was done pitying herself. She would laugh again, she would smile. She would again become the women Griffin had fallen in love with. No matter how long it took. Maybe she couldn't rewind time, or change the past, but she could change herself, change the future.

* * *

Oh my goodness, I feel like a total cheese ball. This chapter just screams it. Its been forever since I wrote this story so I was having a hard time trying to get back into the feel and style of the story and it ended out really cheezzzey. So forgive me. And plus I used a flashback, and I HATE flashbacks.


End file.
